((**[02:19] Jenniferever Melody blinks**))
((**[02:19] Jenniferever Melody pee's knickers**))
((**[02:20] Jenniferever Melody *Blushes**))
Also it should be said that any likeness in this tale to real people, living or dead, is purely intentional.
All names have been changed to protect the identity of the guilty .. the innocent can go fuck themselves.... (*See Xcite Hermaphrodite set ... very reasonably priced through your sales rep*)
Epilogue
A posh way to say ... The Start
Picture the scene, Dear reader ...... a dark and dank tavern, high in the hills of a land known as Enivid. Within, arrive the warriors of Ecilam, galant hero's of many a battle (often to avoid paying their bar bills), victorious in their last conquest, although, somewhat battered by the experience.
Seated at the far side of the great fire, the King..... His Majestic Arsholeness "Llerrad the Mighty", his feet raised upon the ample asscheeks of the royal fairy known as Oof, resplendant in her usual robes of....... well ....... not much! Our King, tankard of ale in hand...... froth in his beard (including the remains of a meal .... somewhere.... sometime) making jolly of chat with his warriors. Sadly, my friends, I feel it my solemn duty to have to report to you, that His Majestic Arseholeness was sometime ago diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome. It is therefore fair to say, that he is not often to be held responsible for all he says!
Three tables away, sit the noble band of brothers, "The Knights of Enivid" ..... all adorned with trophys of the last battle ..... bits of head ...... hands ..... ears on string, worn around the neck etc. Leading this band of brotherly knights, The Archknight, Kkir RevaeWtirips, quaffs large quantities of the brew in his tankard ..... ignoring the songs, intent only in drinking his fill. Untill ........ SHE appears ....... like a vision to his eyes....... the supine vision of sexuality, (no idea what supine means ... but shit ... it sounded good) ..... Noomsayerf Hctiwnef. Large and swaying of breast ....... rounded of buttock... and long of leg....... So fair...... So young ....... ALMOST a virgin ..... and the one most likely to curl Kkir's toes.....and sitting amongst them, Ssurd Zraeg ...... "The Pink Knight", needle in hand, darning the holes to his stockings, and strengthening the seams of his corsetry against the rigours of the banquette to come.
Our Host for this evening of carousing, Sedah Flowretniw, resplendant in his tavern keepers garb of dirty white shirt ...... Ale stained pants, and a leather apron. NOT that the apron does anything to offer protection from the food or drink ..... Sedah just likes the feel of the leather! Next are the tavern serving wnches, IdnacIdnah Xela, a buxom wench of fair humour and great in the sack .... Rehpynej Nexen, tall, slim ... almost gangly, but with a singing voice that kills vultures at 40 paces.... and finally Anrairb Nexer, rumoured to be the daughter of a king somewhere, and considerd chaste (and often caught).
Around and about, stand and sit the soldiery of this warrior band, carousing and making merry.... (getting pissed drunk and singing dirty songs of willies, bums and boobies). Their carousing getting louder it seems, each time one of the serving wenches has to bend and pick some unmentionable thing from the floor! But, when all is said and done, warriors all. Smelly?? ... maybe .... dishonest as the day is long? definitely. But, warriors to the bitter end.
And so the evening starts, with a speech from the king ..... Llerrad The Mighty "My people
(Cue the wavy picture ..... the "going Back in Time" music .... doo doo duh duh, doo doo duh duh ....)
Many years ago .... in a galaxy far far away ... SHIT, thats been done already .... Many years before, Ssurd was but a boy on the great farms of Wen Dnalaez, a pretty island south of that well known place 'God-Know's-Where-Or-Cares' These were happy times for Ssurd, the youngest brother to 5 lovely girls, whose mother only wanted the best for all of them. But, Ssurd was not happy with the hand that fate had dealt him .... for his sisters all had the prettiest of everything .... Dresses .... Ribbons .... Sling back galoshes..... and... most of all .... silken underwear ..... Ssurd became jealous of his sisters at an early age, and one day, whilst attempting to get SOME of the joy that his sisters had, he was caught by his father, a stern faced, harsh disciplinarian, known for a short temper and strong arm. "Little silk panties ..... a lacy bra" ....." his father was saying that night ... in front of all the family. intent on berating the wretched boy Ssurd. "The bloody little sawn off shit was actually wearing them, and, parading himself in front of the animals in the barn". And so ... removing his heavy farm workers belt, he used it as a punishment strap upon the tender, uncovered butt of Ssurd, in an attempt to make the boy see the light. What Ssurd actually saw, was the time to get the fuck away from this place, and so set about making his escape.
Our young hero travelled many a land upon this planet wonderland. Gathering to himself a small wealth of knowledge that would serve him good stead for his future. Also it didn't hurt that he also gathered to himself a couple of decent swords, a selection of daggers, many many poisonous plant extracts, armour, a good horse, three heavy purses of gold, and, a reputation as a fierce fighter. (Especially of any-one taking the piss out of his lisp) .... Also , it has to be mentioned here, he had found a lingerie designer and manufacturer, who was able to supply him with all the accoutrements of finery he had ever come to want. Enna Dleifrocs (Proprietor of Dreamz at...............) From this monumentous moment on, our valiant hero did battle with any and all who stood before him, boldly carrying the banner of Enna's designs, and wearing fighting lingerie of brocade and silks, the like of which had never been seen before.
Ssurd fought, AND vanquished the amazon warriors of The Lehtorb .... these proud warrior women, thoroughly pissed off that a male could aquire lingerie, that they themselves sought and desired. Deciding that they and they alone were worthy of such trappings, intent on waylaying Ssurd, killing him, and stripping his poor carcase of all that he owned.
He fought The Hooligans of Llabtoof, intent on killing him, soley because he didn't dress the same as they ...... By which is intoned, as a man .... Trousers, tee shirts, big boots etc.
And so the list went on ... year after long arduous year, poor Ssurd had to kill most all he stumbled upon in his quest for a place to call home.....HIS home. A place, in a land, where all would accept him for what he was. A Warrior, (with a fetish for leather and silk yes) but a warrior in all that he was, and, he hoped, a man who others would be proud to call "Friend". And all this he found in the faraway land, of, ENIVID. A rugged, untamed even, at times, soulless piece of real estate. Here, he found solace amongst the sheep that seemed to rule this land. Nary a human soul in sight. Just wall to wall woollen carpeting, as far as the eye could see. Here, his native love of the sheep for all it brought, in pleasure and comfort, saw him yearn to be a prt of it. THAT was when he met the fair virgin (coff~BS~coff) Ema Nedraw. A chance meeting in the great "Virgin Forest".... (see?? ... a virgin in the virgin forest .... makes sense .... OOH KAAY? nods nods)
Ssurd had removed his clothing, tied it into a bundle, and hid it under a bush to bathe in a pond within a glade. When he got out to dry himself, he was confronted with a maiden, bent over picking blubells (Please.... do NOT try this in any glade in a UK forest ..... Blubells are a protected species, and you are liable to be rogered silly for even sniffing one ((ask any British copper))). Ema, on the other hand, had just bent to pick a pretty flower, when she felt something prod against her bare bottom, exposed from under her skirt by a zephyr breeze..... she pondered this a while .... decided that it felt good, and backed up a bit. Then, upon looking behind her, saw a nakkie male, and, that it was his appendage that was doing the prodding ..... She pondered again .... decided to take a chance, and spoke the immortal words of wonderland.... "Hiya mate .... wanna fuck?). Well, thought Ssurd, Do sharks shit in the ocean?? ... Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?? And so, with a shy ... almost embarrassed nod of his head, leant forwards as Ema, adjusting her balance, leant back. "Oh sir" she spoke, "Please be of good character and take a pity upon this girl, but, I am still a virgin in that place"...... (("[12:45] The Assembled Knights of Enivid: FUCK OFF YA TART. YOU woz never even been BORN a fucking virgin" ..... "[12:45] Ema Nedraw: Bollocks ya bastards. *press button* There ya twats ... ejected .....*finger*")) "Oh sir .... I am sure it is a sin .... Yes .. it is a sin .... a sin it is ... IT'S IN, Yes, it's in". And thus did not only Ema, but our Pink Knight, simultaeneously pop their cherries.
Thus, upon this chance meeting with Ema, Ssurd was introduced at court, whereupon his manner of dress was never commented upon because of the legend that arrived before him. Many had been the tales of the travelling Pink Knight... sat astride a shocking pink steed, travelling the lands and slaying all that stood in his way. Here ... at Court Enivid, he was welcomed as an equal. Welcomed as a brother warrior to the Knights within those hallowed walls. And never did any of the army of Ecilam, ever mention his prettyness in battle wear.
Here ..... Ssurd was comfortable..... Here, Ssurd was HOME....
At this point in the proceedings, the tavern door flew open, and, with a flourish of wool, and the smell of shyte, the Prince, Dap Olos arrived with his new entourage. A flock of fleecy sheep. Dap ushered the sheep into the tavern, and thus into a back room, where they gaily went unknowing as to their fate. Before the door could be closed, Ssurd, who had suddenly felt the upbringing of his native land of kiwi litterally surge through his being, called out to Prince Dap ..... "Your Highness Dap .... Are you going to be shearing those sheep??" .... Prince Dap Olos looked around with fear etched into his face, and seeing who it was that had addressed him so .... He replied " Och aye the noo ..... You fuck off and find your own, yer raving sassenach woofter", and slammed the door shut behind him.
Amid the howls of laughter that greeted this retort from Prince Dap, came the still continuous droning of Llerrad The Mighty .... still in full swing of his speech to the drunken mob. "And so, my loyal subjects
And so dear reader, it comes to the time that I must now leave you to make my escape before some come to do me harm of sorts..... Here, I have presented you with the "Saga of The Pink Knight", and next ....... could it be the turn of Llerrad the Mighty, to tell of his great saga?? who knows, .... or cares..... goodnight.
THE FUCKING END
Thanks to Christophe for the crude snapshot and to Miss Anne for finding this lovely tale.
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